There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
