don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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