so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
