MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
