Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
