You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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