So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
