I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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