Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
