Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
