I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We are two peas in an std pod
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
