My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
