I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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