No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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