I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
