dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize