It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
