what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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