the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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