Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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