I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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