That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize