drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
