There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
