I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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