Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
