They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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