Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
