24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
