My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's always time for handjobs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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