Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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