I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
