At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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