His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
