This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
