There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
