Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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