Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
