look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
