he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
