I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
