She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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