I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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