I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
