Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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