He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
