I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
