Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
