making cat noises will not fix the situation.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
