I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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