I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need to align my fucking chakras
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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