I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
