She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
