Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
