This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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