I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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