So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
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