Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
