i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
