Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
