so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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