he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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