now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
