Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
