They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
