Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
