Come see our sink grown plant.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
