i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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