He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just want to make out with him forever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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