I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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