margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
