My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
