The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
