You made me cry and you don't even care
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
