yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
