In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
