Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
