Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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