She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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