I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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