i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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