i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
