What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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