i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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