I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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