garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
