So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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