guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
