we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
