margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
