She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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