She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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