I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
